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TLDR Summary
Hey, gang. Ed here. I know you're busy, so here's the gist of this article on abusive sales managers.
No bones about it: They can seriously impact your work and wellbeing.
Watch for red flags: verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, micromanagement, unprofessional behavior, and poor work-life balance. If you spot these, take action. Document everything, try communicating if it's safe, and don't hesitate to involve HR.
Sometimes, leaving might be your best option, especially if the abuse continues or affects your health. Whatever you do, stay professional, but always prioritize your wellbeing.
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See you in the next one.
At all levels of performance, there’s always someone you have to answer to – and for the vast majority of today’s young professionals, that’s your manager.
Everyone’s been there. Maybe you love your job, your co-workers, or the cushy benefits your position affords you – but your boss just makes the day-to-day nearly unbearable thanks to their constant micromanagement, passive-aggression, or actual verbal abuse.
Back in the day, the cultural default would have dictated that you simply grin and bear it, but we know better now. The chronic stress due to an abusive manager can impact you and the people around you in ways beyond the expected headache.
One of the biggest, most obvious outcomes of dealing with a problematic manager is that many people will not want to work, stemming from frustration and emotional exhaustion — bungling their overall productivity. This comes hand-in-hand with worse overall mental and physical health, making it a terrible experience for everyone involved.
Luckily, there are things you can do besides turning your heel and leaving your company – and we’re here to help you through this all-too-common problem. Let’s dig a little deeper.
How to Know if Your Manager is Abusive: Understanding the Common Signs and Behaviors
Before we dive into the intricacies of what makes a manager abusive, there’s one critical nuance we need to explore. Namely, not all off-putting or annoying behavior is necessarily abusive.
Like you, managers and supervisors have their own little quirks and habits, so sometimes they can be a little bit more intense than you’re used to. This doesn’t necessarily make them abusive.
Instead, abuse is determined by the regularity and severity of a specific behavior plus how deeply it impacts your ability to work. For example, a careless one-off remark about a co-worker’s performance might be a mistake, but consistent hurtful (and unhelpful) comments about them can have long-term drawbacks on a person’s mental health and job satisfaction.
Furthermore, behaviors can be considered abusive when they get in the way of your daily functioning to the point it may be nearly impossible to get things done.
With that out of the way, let’s dive into some of the most common behaviors associated with an abusive manager so you know what to look for.
1. Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse is likely one of the most common indicators of workplace abuse, and it can often start as small, passive-aggressive comments but may escalate to raised voices and verbal put-downs.
It can also manifest as personal attacks beyond the scope of work, publicly humiliating you or your ideas in front of clients or colleagues, and picking on specific people.
2. Emotional Abuse
The term “emotional abuse” can be pretty broad and challenging to define, especially when it’s often very specific to the context in which it occurs. So, in the context of being a salesperson, a manager may be engaging in emotionally abusive behavior if they act in a threatening manner, threaten you or your colleagues, or attempt to intimidate people.
Gaslighting, as in denying things happened as they did or twisting the facts to suit a different narrative, also counts as emotional abuse. Conversely, purposely withholding vital information or stonewalling team members is equally abusive.
3. Micromanagement
Micromanagement may come in many forms – all of which hinder a positive workplace atmosphere and overall productivity.
Severe examples of micromanagement include instances when a manager is overly involved in every aspect of your sales process, which may consist of constantly monitoring your day-to-day activity and overall progress on a specific client.
This usually comes in tandem with overly demanding requirements, such as updating them at every step, further impeding your autonomy and requiring you to refocus your efforts away from the task at hand.
Lastly, micromanagers tend to steamroll other team members during the decision-making process, which can lead to feelings of discredit or underminement.
4. Unprofessional Behavior
Everyone’s been a little unprofessional at the workplace, but inappropriate behavior can quickly become a problem if it makes employees feel unsafe or threatened.
One of the most obvious ways this can happen is when a manager makes inappropriate jokes at the expense of team members. These can be discriminatory comments meant to belittle or disparage individuals because of their race, gender, beliefs, or other personal details.
Naturally, this also includes sexually inappropriate jokes or aggressive behavior bordering on harassment.
That said, unprofessional behavior isn’t limited to interpersonal conduct. Violating basic company policies or employing unethical tactics to secure a sale can also be considered unprofessional.
5. Extreme Work-Life Imbalance
Now more than ever, workers of all experience levels value their work-life balance – as they should. However, even the most steadfast of employees can be swayed by a manager who encourages working beyond designated office hours and going above and beyond.
While this may sound like the mark of a manager who knows how to motivate their employees, this can be extremely harmful when boundaries are left undrawn.
For instance, if a manager asks that you be “available throughout the weekend" or basically tethered to your work phone outside of work hours, this can be considered an abuse of their station. The same is true if they expect you to work on weekends or foster a culture that prizes productivity over rest on your days off.
Another insidious thing you should be aware of is the blurred lines between work and your personal life. If your boss asks too much about what you’re up to outside of work, they may be crossing a boundary.
How to Work with an Abusive Manager (If You Must)
When people are faced with potentially abusive managers, they’re probably already inundated with unsolicited advice of “just leave, then.” However, this may not always be a realistic option, especially in this economy.
So if you find yourself needing to tough it out with a difficult manager, don’t give up hope just yet. You have many options for keeping yourself happy and healthy despite it all.
Here are a few things you can do:
Protect Yourself Mentally and Emotionally
Though easier said than done, it’s absolutely essential that you remain composed and professional in the face of abusive behavior in the workplace. While you may be burning with anger on the inside, keeping your cool (at least externally) can help you in the long term.
Instead of blowing your top, we recommend keeping an organized log of specifics related to your manager’s abusive behavior.
This should include what happened, when it happened, relevant details, and the names of other colleagues who witnessed it (if applicable.) While this may seem excessive, this is the best way to protect yourself from potentially troublesome situations.
On top of this, you may want to seek professional help by connecting with a licensed therapist. Often, we may be too close to work-related problems to figure out a solution that works for us, and an objective, well-informed third party can give you the perspective you need.
Communication (Optional)
So let’s say you’ve successfully maintained your cool in the face of complicated circumstances and written everything down as it happens while also making space to process it all. In this case, you might be considering communicating your issues directly to your manager.
Now, while there may be better courses of action for some, it can be effective if done correctly. Firstly, you’re going to want to start this conversation privately – after all, nobody takes well to having complaints about them discussed in front of others.
We recommend scheduling a meeting with them to improve your workplace relationship, though feel free to change this verbiage to whatever you feel is most appropriate for your situation.
Before going into this meeting, you’ll need to know exactly what you want to achieve. Is there a specific behavior you’d like to change? Do you want to be transferred to a different department? Whatever it is, write it down so you can stay focused during the meeting.
When you’ve successfully planned this discussion with your manager, you’ll want to ensure that you stay laser-focused on the specific instances of abusive or questionable behavior. This is when that log will come in handy.
Take extra care not to come off too aggressively or attempt to blame your manager as a whole. Instead, try to treat the issues as behavior-driven and not person-driven so your manager won’t feel like they’re being attacked.
As a final word of advice on communicating with your manager, prepare yourself for any outcome. There’s a chance everything may go down well, but they may also take it personally and become combative or defensive. Whatever the outcome, remain calm and professional. It’s not your job to manage your manager.
Taking Action
If the other suggested approaches haven’t made any headway with your situation, you may want to consider going to HR about your issue. However, a word to the wise: human resources’ primary goal is to look after the company's best interests – so prepare accordingly.
Once again, the documentation of all the different instances of abuse will come in handy. Emails, messages, and detailed accounts of all the relevant events are your bread and butter here, and they can keep you protected in sticky situations.
You may also want to make a log of any prior conversations you’ve had with your manager, because immediately going over their head to HR may also weaken your case and potentially complicate the situation if you don’t inform your manager first.
When Should You Quit a Job Due to an Abusive Manager?
If the question of “should I quit my job?” has been lingering on your mind a little bit more lately because of a crappy experience with your manager, that’s probably a good sign you need to dig deeper. But how do you actually know when it’s time to pack up your desk and move on to better things?
The honest answer is that it depends on your context, and only you know the intimate details of your daily life. However, we can help you by providing a few key indicators that it may be time to switch things up:
When your boss’ abusive or unprofessional behavior is going unchecked, (despite your efforts) - If you or one of your colleagues have gone out of their way to have a discussion with your manager and nothing productive has come of it, you may want to consider leaving your department or company. This is doubly true if you’ve already reached out to the higher-ups in HR and they don’t take your complaint seriously. If you have good reasons for concern and they’re being ignored, this could be symptomatic of a much larger organizational problem – and one that isn’t yours.
If the job is taking a toll on your mental health - Our mental health is our most precious resource, and even the most stable folks can suffer blows to their peace in stressful situations like working with a horrible manager. Suppose you find yourself more irritable, tired, and on edge due to your interactions with a bad manager. In that case, we recommend considering other job opportunities that won’t make your professional life a daily mission.
If the job is also taking a toll on your physical health - Over the last few years, tons of studies linking workplace incivility to worsened physical health have grown. If you’re unsure if this applies to you, ask yourself how many times you had to go to a doctor over stress-related health blips – especially if that stress is linked to your abusive manager’s actions.
When you and your boss seem at-odds on a fundamental level - While this may be one of the more “tame” indicators on this list, being perpetually at odds with a manager can create unnecessary friction in the workplace. If neither of you seem to agree on anything, ever, and it’s starting to impede your workflow or get in the way of actually getting things done, then you may want to explore other options.
With all of this said, it isn’t advisable to leave your job without an exit strategy. Even when you’re not totally convinced it’s time to pack it up, consider putting out feelers for other positions through quiet job interviews and referrals from professional contacts. Additionally, take extra care that you don’t talk badly about your previous job or organization as a whole throughout this whole process, too.
At the end of the day, your working relationship with your boss can determine much about your professional life – and sometimes having a bad one can stunt your growth or even get you passed over for a well-deserved promotion.
So if you feel you’ve exhausted your options before leaving but your wellbeing is now at risk, it may be time to find a path that suits you better.
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Find Your Sales MentorStaying Positive and Moving Forward in Your Career Despite an Abusive Manager
It’s no exaggeration to say that over half of all employed people have had some experience with an abusive manager – and that means tons of folks have tried to navigate the murky waters of managing an unproductive (or potentially abusive) professional relationship.
Where some may choose to leave to protect themselves and move on to greener pastures, others could reach a satisfying compromise with their manager. In the end, it all comes down to what works for you, specifically. There is no one-size-fits-all solution for every situation.
But that said, there is one thing everyone needs to remember, and that’s maintaining professionalism even when it might not be the easiest thing to do. This demonstrates that despite challenging circumstances, you can keep a cool head – which can be your saving grace both career-wise and personally.
